Jane Eyre and the Linen Closet

Zenmomma asks: If you could insert yourself as a new character in any book that already exists...
1. What book would you choose?
2. Who would your character be?
3. How would your character change the existing plot line and outcome of the story?
4. How would you arrange to have Johnny Depp as your hot and heavy love interest?

One of Mrs. G's favorite books is Charlotte Bronte's 1847 classic, Jane Eyre.

So Mrs. G. would choose to insert herself into this Gothic infused first-person narrative of a girl's journey from an orphan in a bleak boarding school to a governess working for the seriously unzipped troubled family of Thornfield Manor.

Jane Eyre is a small, plain, unadorned, forthright, intelligent, and spirited young English woman. Looking for a better future, Jane finally leaves the Lowood orphanage and takes the job of governess to a spoiled French girl, Adele, the pampered ward of Edward Rochester. Rochester is cranky, rude, moody, condescending and twenty years Jane's senior. He's a beast.

And, naturally, Jane falls in love with him. He's not all bad. Jane loves Rochester so much that she is willing to overlook little things like eerie and maniacal laughter in the night and Rochester and his bed being set on on fire. Rochester blames his servant, Grace Poole, and her predilection for gin and matches.

But Jane isn't so sure. She's concerned and suspicious. She knows there's some strange shit going down at Thornfield Manor, and she isn't sure what to do. After unraveling a series of secret knocks and signals,

Jane discovers Mrs. G, the perceptive and knowing, middle-aged, blonde woman who lives in the linen closet. When confused and troubled, Jane stands outside the linen closet and seeks Mrs. G's wit and counsel.

Mrs. G, a character under explored by literary and feminist scholars worldwide, encourages Jane to traverse the landscape of her heart and purchase some 19th century fire extinguishers... pronto.

Soon Jane's reliance on Mrs. G. becomes all-consuming, so Mrs. G...

writes out instructions and tells Jane to suck it up. Mrs. G. needed some alone time to gather her thoughts and fold some towels.

Jane works through her to do list and follows Mrs. G's instructions to hire a hot, salty and seductive stable boy. One afternoon, the hot, salty and seductive stable boy needs an extra blanket so he goes to retrieve one from the linen closet. He opens the the closet door...

and, enchanted by the smell of fabric softener and Mrs. G's beauty, the hot, salty and seductive stable boy drags Mrs. G. out of the linen closet just minutes before Thornfield Manor burns to the ground. Everyone else perishes. It is a genuine tragedy, but this is the way Gothic novels roll. It's a literary tradition.

And Mrs. G. and the hot, salty and seductive stable boy live happily ever after, galloping and frolicking over the misty English moors.

photos courtesy of Google Images